1 — Pick two literary characters to be your parents. Who do you choose?
Jane Eyre and Hagrid. Hagrid would inspire me to lighten up and live a little. He would teach me to respect life (and monsters). And as for Jane, I would look up to her imagination, her compassion, her spirituality. She would instill in me the strength to stay true to who I am.
2 — Make up a holiday from scratch. How would people celebrate this day?
On Attic Clown Day, we juggle balloon animals full of blood while riding unicycles. Whenever someone drops a blood balloon, we’re required to laugh. Whenever someone doesn’t drop a blood balloon, we’re required to laugh. All day we eat nothing but cotton candy full of spiders, and rubber chicken noodle soup.
3 — How much deeper would the oceans be without sponges?
Sponges are always interrupting intellectual and philosophical conversations. So without them, the oceans would be much deeper indeed.
4 — If you could get rid of any state, which one would you pick and why?
I would get rid of the state of selfishness, which would hopefully increase compassion and empathy for the poor and underprivileged. Also, I would get rid of South Dakota. Who needs it?
5 — Given the opportunity, would you be willing to swap gender for a week?
Definitely! I would dress up like Blossom and do lady stuff, like drinking tea or fighting zombies or solving math equations.